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May 15, 2001
Today Tommy was very hard to handle. This Frizium he is on is really giving him an attitude. Maybe its irritability, which is the side affect but I really don't know. It saddens me because, before all this happened, he was such a quiet to himself kinda little fellow. He never bothered with fighting over toys other little kids would play with, he would basically share all the time. Actually he would be the one to give the toy up first and take another. Now it is HIS toy and no others. Either that is a phase, which I am hoping. Or these med's are really affecting his behavior. I wish I knew, would set my mind at ease to know the truth. At least I would either be able to talk to the doctor about another sort of medicine, or just wait till the phase every child goes through passes. He does not listen to me much anymore. Maybe it is because he knows I am not going to punish him. I can not seem to bring myself to actually discipline him the same way I did the others, which they are very well mannered kids. They understand when I say No it means No. Tommy looks right at me and says "Yes". Today he actually said to me, after I told him No, that he would hit me! Oh MY! Well Pete put him in his place after that, he seems to have the ability to discipline him better then I. I feel like my motherhood has just hit the lowest it can ever be. The title "Horrible Mother" comes to my mind. I sometimes walk away shaking my head wondering if I will get through this mentally or just have a nervous breakdown. Come 8 o'clock, I feel a little relaxed. My time to decompress and take a nice hot bath and tone it low.
Tomorrow is the Eye examination, I am very happy about it. I will write tomorrow and express my encounter with that situation, he will look cute in glasses, I am sure. There can be a chance he does not need them, but I guess I look at the down part first and expect it lately, not that glasses are such an awful thing, but he has been through a lot. He will be fine. I am getting tired, its 12:20 a.m. I think I will retire now. Good Night All !
Until Next time